Can’t Get Enough Coffee? Me neither!!

Posted on April 10, 2011 by

Clearly this gentleman will be having a heart attack soon...BUT NOT A STROKE!!!

Here’s a lovely little article about coffee drinkers, and the ‘fact’ that coffee drinkers might actually have fewer health problems (i.e. less chance of a stroke). THAT’S RIGHT!!! I’m going to LIVE FOREVER!! Wait until they discover that coffee is the FLIPPIN CURE FOR CANCER!

Of course, I’m sure that drinking coffee isn’t great for stress, blood pressure, and a score of other things. But hey, if there are any benefits associated with drinking coffee, then WOOT TO THAT!!

Doesn’t the guy in the picture look like an overweight George Clooney? Whatever. He’s got what looks to be an espresso, and is lining up several more. What’s even better is that he’s got a BARTENDER serving it up – EXCELLENT!

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How To Say ‘Hello’ … In English …

Posted on April 9, 2011 by

From an old Pan Am campaign. Do you care?

I’m sure that you can tell blogging isn’t my full-time job. While I would LOVE for this to be the case (and perhaps, after NUMEROUS cups of coffee, it will…), I currently work for a large company. I’m sure that you can tell that I’m a fairly outgoing person as well. With that said, I tend to (gasp!) say ‘hello’ to folks when I pass by them in the hallway at work. Most of the folks that I say ‘hello’ to don’t even make eye contact….

What the hell is the matter with people?!?!

I know that there are a lot of individuals out there that have social anxiety issues, and I’m not downplaying this (I, for one, have had these issues in the past). However, if there is a 12 step program out there for folks with social anxiety issues, Step #1 should read something along the lines of ‘Sayeth Hello when thou is Sayethed Hello’ed To’ (or something). It’s a FLIPPIN GREETING! APPRECIATE IT! I know it’s probably the most amount of attention that you have received all week, working at a large company and all, but COME ON! Get out there, have a cup o’joe, and SAY HELLO!!

Going into the next week, I challenge you to say ‘hello’ to at least five people that you don’t know. See if they respond. If they don’t respond, first check to make sure that you aren’t whimpering or whispering a ‘hello’. You need to make eye contact, and be sincere. If you can get at least five ‘hellos’ back, great job! You deserve a cup of coffee – go ‘n’ get it! If not, ask yourself what is holding you back from issuing a simple greeting; perhaps what is holding you back is holding you back from other potential positive situations.

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Stan Van Gundy: Caffeine Personified.

Posted on April 8, 2011 by

Stan Van Gundy. Caffeine personified.

Folks, Stan Van Gundy is the man. The reason why he is the man (and get used to it…) is because if you were to take a nice, piping hot cup of coffee and turned it into a human being, Stan Van Gundy would appear before your very eyes. Ever since I started following the Magic, I’ve always put mental captions over Stan’s head when he was on TV coaching (well… screaming…), such as ‘DAMMIT, DWIGHT I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO PUT THE DONUTS UNDER MY SEAT!’ and ‘DAMN DONUTS DWIGHT!! BLOCK THE SHOT, GET ME MORE COFFEE!!!’ If Stan ever quits coaching basketball and manages to survive the walking heart attack that is himself, he should, by all means, open up a donut shop. I’m serious. I don’t give a crap whether it’s a Krispy Kreme, or a Dunkin’ Donuts, he NEEDS to do this. Also, I would expect him managing the donut shop the same way that he manages the Magic; loud and hyped up on whatever-the-hell he’s hyped up on (let’s say…. coffee…)

Anyhow, Stan is invited for a cup o’ joe anytime. He is, indeed, as I said before, the man.

Here’s a video of Dwight imitating Stan, followed by a video of Stan himself. I’m telling you – caffeine personified.

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Manny Being Manny (which isn’t saying much…)

Posted on April 8, 2011 by

What a guy!

Well, that was a record-setting self-implosion in a new locale, even by the Saturday morning cartoon standards of Manny Ramirez.

Ka-pow! … and goodbye.

“Put in a good word for me,” Manny told me this spring, one last burst of charm in the beginning pages of what turned out to be a stunningly short final chapter of the man, the myth, the steroid abuser.

It’s clear. Manny Ramirez is a schmuck. He’s not invited to share a cup of coffee with me, because I don’t like steroids or anything of that sort within my coffee. As a Yankees fan (boo and hiss if you must), it gives me a little bit of pleasure to see this waste of flesh leave on a note like this. However, I’m sure that he’ll be back to baseball for one more year, and that he’s going to pull a ‘Brett Favre’ on us. Maybe he’ll get one more year, if that. Personally, I think he should open up a coffee shop called ‘Starschmucks’. Charlie Sheen could be the assistant manager, and they could serve up a specialty drink; Tainted Career with an extra shot of schmuck.

 

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US Budget Crisis? Call Suze Orman.

Posted on April 7, 2011 by

If anyone can solve the U.S. Budget situation, it's Suze.

Washington (CNN) — A fourth White House meeting in 48 hours between President Barack Obama and congressional leaders failed to reach agreement Thursday night on a spending plan for the rest of the current fiscal year, increasing chances for a partial government shutdown to begin in a little more than 24 hours.

Before my week old son decides to scream bloody murder for his next bottle, I want to let all of you know that WE ARE SCREWED! The reason lies in the story from CNN above. If our GOVERNMENT can’t add and subtract a few numbers, I suggest we bring in the big guns; Suze Orman.

Folks, I don’t know a lot about Suze Orman. However, I do know that my wife had purchased a bunch of Suze Orman books when our financial situation was ‘less than par’. When I was cleaning out our bookshelf, I came across what looked like the friggin’ Chronicles of Narnia, except they were Suze’s financial books! All of them had Suze smiling her toothy smile on the cover, with promises that she could solve your financial problems. Clearly, with a pack of 87 Suze Orman books collecting dust, she herself wasn’t in some sort of financial crapper; saps like us would purchase these books (with money that we didn’t have) in order to read about not spending money. STROKE OF GENIUS, SUZE!!

Bottom Line: Someone needs to make a GIANT POT OF COFFEE, call up SUZE FLIPPIN ORMAN, get her in a large room and CRUNCH THE NUMBERS. The woman has a TOOTHY SMILE!! NOW! SUZE ORMAN! BUDGET!

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